Nap time? That’s for wimps (apparently). My spicy Hunan peanut does not believe in naps. She thinks naps are for the wussy at heart – the weak of constitution. She thinks that naps deaden the spirit. All of this is true – but for ME.
I’m about the what – 4 millionth mother to complain about her kid not sleeping? I know I’m no different but when my kid lies in her bed screaming herself to sleep, all I can envision is a room filled with cribs, babies lain head to toe – two to a crib, all crying for attention and care, and all feeling abandoned and bereft. This is what I hear in my daughter’s cries. And it utterly ruins my heart.
According to her ‘operating manual”, Beckett had two solid naps (2 hours each) and then woke twice in the night and had a bottle at each waking. Huh? This made little sense. That would mean she had 8 bottles a day! At that rate, her eyeballs would have been swimming in formula. And when she slept through much of the first night we had her (with minimal squeaking), we knew we couldn’t trust the paperwork.
So here I am back at square one – pretty much done with jet lag but on to a whole new form of torture. She wakes at about 5am after falling asleep around 7:30pm. I search for signs of tiredness at around 10am (she does that head rubbing, eye squinching, rolling her head back and forth thing). I watch. I examine. I am as vigilant as a vigilante. Nuthin’. Then, around 11:30, a head roll. An eye rub. AHA! So i snuggle her into my arms, sing a little song to her (it used to be a pure lullaby but now its a basterdization of a lullaby I learned at camp that goes…”Go to sleep, little creep….) and then gently sway her upstairs. I’m not even at the top step when she’s on to me. She spies her bedroom door out of the corner of her eye – an eye which immediately fixes on me with great accusation. And then the mouth opens and out comes that wail. I ‘shshshshshshs’ her, carry her in, put on her obscenely expensive and seemingly useless white noise machine (ok – i was desperate) and lower her into the crib. The volume increases on the wailing. I lay on the bed next to the crib and start with the ‘shushing’ again (for the record, i am testament to the fact that 2 hours of solid ‘shushing’ makes the inside of your mouth completely raw and meaty – yuck). Nadda. She rolls on her side (a feat getting of that flat head) and fixes her giant eyes on me as she screams. “BETRAYER.” the seem to say “MOMMY CHARLATAN. PERSON WHO PRETENDS TO CARE. PICK ME UP IF YOU ACTUALLY DO. GO ON. AND DO IT FAAASSSSSSTTTTTT”.
I cave. I can’t stand it. I’ve tried staying in the room and leaving the room. Keeping the monitor on and off. Drinking wine and scotch. Nothing works. And this happens morning and afternoon. My record, up to yesterday, had been about 7 minutes.
How the hell can one kid stay up for so long? By 3pm, she’s still going strong and I’m about ready to collapse. And I know she’ll fade at 7pm if i don’t get her to sleep. And sleeping at 7 means waking at 4 am. Noooooooo.
So yesterday afternoon I decided it was time to bite the bullet. I got home from dropping off poop samples at the lab (yes – my life is that exciting these days) and she was exhibiting those signs. Upstairs I scampered, hoping this was finally a legit nap time. Uh uh. No way Jose. Spicy peanut yelling began. I lay her down, shushed her and left. I sat in the kitchen listening to the screaming. Three minutes. Four. My eyes filled up. I called Russ at work. “Turn off the monitor and go into the basement’ he said. HELLO? HAVE YOU MET ME????? This is tantamount to abandonment in my books. “Ok, but she needs to sleep” was his pragmatic reply. Then I heard typing, He was Googling solutions. “Stand your ground,” he read, “commit and follow through” he continued. “Nap time has to be established. Don’t give in. Drink wine.” “Does it really say that?” “All except the wine part,” he replied, “that’s just for you.” So he talked me through it and 20 whole, tortuous minutes of wailing like she was being eviscerated, a glass and a half of wine and three kleenexes worth of tears (mine), she finally hiccuped and was silent.
One nap down, six thousand and eight to go. And I’m no closer to a plan. And so we’ll take it one nap at a time and hopefully, just hopefully, she’ll realize that I’m never going anywhere and I’ll realize that she’s safe. By then, we’ll both sleep a little more soundly.
You are delightful and such a gifted writer. Thanks for sharing your little peanut with us.
Wait a second, you’re saying she goes to sleep at 7:30PM and stays asleep until 5AM? That’s insanely great! Our experience was always more along the lines of awake until midnight, sleep a couple of hours, wake us up, sleep a couple more, wake us up, and then maybe sleep a couple more before getting up for good at 6 or 7. Part of the reason they were awake until midnight was that it took so long to get them to sleep when they took an afternoon nap, so the nap started later than was ideal, and then they slept longer than was ideal because otherwise they woke up ferociously grumpy.
Until they were 2 years old we never got a night of uninterrupted sleep.
And 20 minutes of wailing before falling asleep? Golden! I remember regularly holding out for an hour of howling before giving in, reasoning “all she wants is a hug and a cuddle”. We never did really get over that hurdle and it always took us ages to get them to sleep. Hours spent holding them, rocking them, singing “Happy Together” or “Over the Rainbow” until they drift off… my back still aches when I hear those songs.
Now that they’re older they are much better at bed times and one of them (our morning person) will even admit that she’s tired at bedtime.
You guys have got it made, count your blessings and not your difficulties. Once you’ve got her accepting an afternoon nap once in a while she should be able to stay up a little later in the evening and hopefully still sleep all night.
Best of luck! She looks so cute in those photos! You have a little angel (with a mind of her own)!