5AM Time? November 19, 2009

I can remember reading earnest Mommy articles in parenting mags years go where these perky (usually blonde), thin and somehow coiffed mommies would talk about ‘getting up at 5am for some ‘me’ time’. I mentally snarled as I imagined them waking up at the first ding of the alarm, stretching blissfully, taking a quick shower, putting on their matching twinsets and/or lululemon yoga pants and scampering downstairs to their perfect kitchens. They’d make a fresh cappuccino in the shiny coffee makers (froth perfectly peaked), eat a bowl of fruit and yoghurt and sigh happily, leaning back to read the morning paper while shafts of sunlight streamed through the chiffon curtains.

Cut to me. For three mornings now, my eyes have opened at about 5am. This may be jetlag and will soon go away (and be replaced by my usual snorefest until CBC wakes us up with Michael Helenka’s economic smart talk) or it may not. But my reality bears no resemblance to the pictured perfection of this so called ‘me’ time. I drag my sorry ass into a pair of too big pjs, put on the fuzzy slippers and trudge downstairs. I make a cup of coffee and a Montreal bagel (ok – its Starbucks and a Montreal bagel – this is the poshest part of the event) and sit at the kitchen table feeling shell shocked. I try and flip through a few pages of Entertainment Weekly (the only mag i actually subscribe too. Should I be admitting to that? hmmm) while my brain literally whirrs. Truly. I can hear it. This is how it sounds from the inside…

“wonder what time the baby will get up ,does Lo have everything she needs for school, god this house is a fucking mess, i need to buy milk and mustard, i wonder if that agency is going to train and if they don i wonder what month its going to be because i’m going to need to plan for daycare but i don’t want to put Beckett in daycare too soon because she’s only just starting to really bond, oh my god she’s so cute, i need to take her for blood tests, iwonder if the clinic is going to have enough HINI vaccine for us this week, i hate those bottles they always leak, i wonder if you can return bottles, i need to go back to the gym, i wonder if the gym down the street has better caregivers at the daycare than they used to – those women were like Jabba the Hutt’s offspring, i wonder if i can jog with the stroller, i need a warm coat for Beckett, maybe I’ll to the good second hand clothes store this week, man are my nails a mess, how much money can i not earn til the end of the year and get away with it, i better cook something and freeze it or we’ll be eating take out all week, i need to go to the gym (oh yeah, i thought that already but its really true), i want a new sweater, the mommy wardrobe is different than the work wardrobe, guess that’s why god invented the Gap, i wonder when Russ’s parents are going to come and visit, i need to organize my home office, is that the baby squeaking….?”

By then, Beckett is often waking up and my official ‘me time’ comes crashing to an end. Alternately, Lo shuffles downstairs at 5:30, quickly followed by Russ. We have an early breakfast and then play with the baby who is usually in a fabulous mood in the morning and we watch her giggle and coo and copy us tilting our heads back and forth.

Screw you skinny, coiffed, lululemon mommy image. THIS is perfection…

 

It’s Good to Be Home! November 18, 2009

Ahhh home. Lovely smelling sheets. A big bathtub. A fridge. It’s the simple things that make it so and once again, I’m reminded what a homebody I’ve become. Not like it was the easiest transition in the world but it sure was sweet. The flight home was, how shall i put this delicately, ummm, unexpected. I love you Aeroplan but Air Canada, you officially suck. Who knew that a ‘direct’ flight is not actually a non-stop flight? Misleading much?

So we flew the 10 hours from Beijing from Vancouver where we were forced to deplane, get our luggage, go through customs and immigration, back through security, bags back on the conveyor and then get back on the SAME PLANE for the additional 5 hours home. Sound direct to you? I supposed Air Canada would justify this by explaining that direct simply means you arrive at your destination and don’t have to divert to say, Bangladesh. I’m looking forward to hearing their explanation when I write to them. I’ll let you know.

Regardless, the flight was relatively easy unless the count the 2 hours of Beckett’s shrieking at the beginning. But then she settled down and Russ and I took turns sleeping and playing with her. It was long and arduous but I just kept picturing Lolo’s face when I came through Arrivals and it kept me going. 

It was everything and more than I could have imagined. We came through the doors and there was Lo, jumping up and down with excitement along with my Mom, Dad, Erica and her family. Beautiful. Lo hurtled herself at me and jumped into my arms and we both cried – a lot. And then the kvelling began. (for those of you non-Yiddish speakers, to ‘kvell’ is to make a happy, gushy fuss – often including tears). Beckett was stoic. She watched everyone carefully and allowed herself to be held and cuddled. Lo was beside herself wit excitement. “I already love her” she announced about 3 seconds in. All my fears about Lo adjusting flew out the of the window. 

Then we got home, threw our copious bags down and all climbed into the bed in Beckett’s room where we tried to sleep. Ha. Beckett was having none of it. So we stayed awake in shifts, Lotus too. Up from 11-3, one hour of sleep, up from 4-7, two hours of sleep – all along trying to get Bex to sleep at least a few hours in the right time zone. She kept her sense of humor throughout. Russ and I had waning moments…

But here we are, five days later and we’re all officially adjusted. Bex is sleeping through the night. Lo is still passionate about her, Russ is back at work and I’m officially in Mommy mode (so freakin’ weird). I forgot how hard it is to actually get anything done with a baby in your arms. Actually – I don’t think I ever had this. Lo was able to walk and I could but her down and she wouldn’t keel over. Bex needs to be watched every second. Twice already, she’s fallen sideways and the hit the ground when I had her safely between my legs. Oy. There will be months of this!! May the napping gods be kind to me!!!!!!!!!

We bought a rockin’ stroller (thanks Daddy). Man – things have changed since Lo was on wheels. This thing’s like a high performance vehicle! Suspension, brakes, lockable tires, weather covers, baskets, caddies, the works! It’s my new toy and I am SO lovin it. I feel like we could go anywhere (and we will). She even has a groovy little sleeping bag to keep her warm. I’m fully sucked into the Mommy gear. Very cool. 

And we brought Bex into Lo’s school for show and tell. The kids had written her a giant welcome letter and we wanted to thank them – and of course Lo wanted to show her off big time. So I got Lo and bib siter t-shirt and Bex and little sister one and off we went. The kids sat attentively as I explained what adoption was all about and what it was like to get Bex. They asked a million questions which Lo, in true form, had all the answers for – even if they were a tad dubious. We were a big hit all round. And now, that I’m in the Mommy club, we’ve been invited back to hang in the classroom whenever we like. 

Other than that, she sleeps cries, giggles, impresses crowds, poops (a lot) and does your average baby stuff. She’s gaining strength and dexterity every day. It’s amazing to witness. Her motor skills are ramping up big time and she’s now officially able to put little tidbits into her mouth. Woo hoo. OK – It’s official. I am BORING. Wow. Only too 5 days. Does anyone want to come over and drink wine? Here’s some pix of the evolution. I promise to be a tad more eloquent next post. I’m just reveling in happy family stuff right now. Kinda kills the edge…

Home Stretch November 12, 2009

Last night in Beijing. Hallelujah. We can almost taste home. In fact, we’re dying to taste home. I love Chinese food as much as the next person but I am SO over it right about now.

We’re starting to see the REAL Beckett now. And we’re afraid. Very afraid. They say that the girls who come from Hunan province are ‘spicy’. They are not kidding. Where did the mild mannered, placid little baby go? OK – in hindsight she was catatonic the first few days but still! She’s gone from meek to Machiavellian in a scant 2 weeks. Now, if things don’t go exactly her way, she yells. And when I say yells, I’m understating. It’s more of a ‘possessed by the devil’ roar. If green pea soup came spewing out of her mouth the picture would be complete. Russ had her all to himself yesterday afternoon and when I got back, she was…umm..yelling and I asked how the afternoon had gone. “She is the devil” was the reply.

It’s kinda funny actually. OK – its funny when you’re not the one getting yelled at. There are a guaranteed few things that will set her off:

1. Face wiping. Doesn’t matter that she is a continual drool fountain or that her nose is running and she’s mixing the snot with the spit and then wiping it all over her face – you cannot wipe it off. It’s officially gross. And if you should deign to try and remove said grossness, you get possessed screamer. Charming.
2. Putting on clothes. Not that she wants to be naked all the time. She just wants her clothes to magically appear on her body. None of the putting arms through armholes for her. Noooo. And god forbid her legs should have to go through pant legs. Shock horror – socks? Cause for hysteria. Exhausting!
3. Sitting by herself. Apparently, this equals abandonment. “You people shall sit with me at ALL times. There will be no doing of other THINGS. I – and only I shall be the centre of attention. If not, I shall scream. Be afraid.” Poor kid. She doesn’t yet realize that the amount of attention she’s currently getting is more she can expect once we get home. We have another black hole of attention waiting for us there.

Other than that, it’s all good. She’s developing amazingly well. Her muscles are way stronger than they were at the beginning. She can pull herself up to sitting now and can even roll over – a little. Of course she gets royally pissed off when she can’t roll back. She’s even developed a few games with us. Her favorite is to throw herself backwards (whether there’s a pillow or hand there or not) and then wait for us to shlep her up again. Laugh riot.  We’ve added the element of pushing on her forehead with a finger. She resists. We do it two or three times and the last time she stops resisting and lets herself fall back. This gets major chuckles. But she is not amused like most babies are. No making funny faces or tickling for her. All you get is the stony expression. “Really – is that all you people got?” She’s more for dark humor. The freefalling backwards stuff. We’re suspecting she has some daredevil in her. Mark my words, she’s probably going to be bungee jumping by 15. This is a far cry from her sister.

So although we’re facing the harsh reality that she will most definitely not be the sweet, compliant child that her sister was (and is), we’re still diggin’ on her big time.

And now we’re stuffing all of our remaining belongings into our bags. We realized last night that our ‘direct’ flight home isn’t direct after all (words will be had with Aeroplan) and we have to deplane in Vancouver and then get back on the same plane an hour and a half later. This should be an interesting flight as by that point, Beckett will have had the equivalent of a giant nap and will be raring to go. Wish us luck and we’ll speak to you all when we’re back.

And a big thanks to Jenn Tondino who has been my blog poster for the 2 weeks. Who knew WordPress was banned in China? So I’ve been emailing them to her and she’s been dutifully posting them at all hours. You rock Jenn – we all thank you!!

See you in Canada. Who hoo!!! (PS – China is now experiencing its largest snowfall in 54 years. Lucky us.)

Seriously? November 12, 2009

OK – not even funny anymore. Here we are, just trying to get through the stinkin’ week, mindin’ our own business, adoptin’ a baby and clearly the gods are angry with us. Well, me at least.

First of all, the temperature plummeted in Beijing and it was a frosty morning when we all headed out on a bus trip to the Great Wall. The fog (or ‘smfog’ as I like to call it) was thick and Russ was still riding the last of his nausea waves. The sky was so dense that we cold barely make out the Olympic Village as we drove by and we knew it didn’t bode terribly well for the sightseeing trip.

Sure enough, when we arrived, we realized we could barely see 20 feet in front of us. No hope in hell of actually seeing the breadth of the wall. Russ wasn’t feeling well enough to shlep the baby so I gamely strapped her on and up we went. Has anyone ever mentioned that there is no symmetry to the steps up the Great Wall. One is, say 12 inches high, while the next might be 17, and the next 20 and the next 10, etc. Now try to navigate with 14 lbs strapped to your chest and a little pink hat obscuring your vision. Not so easy. So I stayed pretty low and Russ went a little higher but truth be told, we didn’t see a helluva lot – near or far. Ah well – it’s only one of the 7 wonders of the world. How exciting could it be?

All in all, it was a good but very long day (we hit a pearl factory and a cloisonné factory as well) and we all fell into bed pretty early. Beckett was a trooper until the end when she started to melt down in traffic. That’s my kid!

So we wake up the next day and decide to take it pretty easy. I’m feeling a bit nauseous and we all want a bit of a break. We unpack, wash some clothes, walk to the supermarket, take a mommy and me back and generally kill time. I was a little paranoid about my bug returning cuz I was feeling a bit…umm…how to say this delicately, loose on the bottom half (ewww – that’s didn’t come out the right way. Hahaha – but you know what I mean), so I took an Immodium pill in the afternoon.

Cut to the next morning (yesterday morning). We had planned a leisurely breakfast and then a trip out in the afternoon. Beijing was completely snow covered (another freak storm – weird!!) so we figured we’d go slow. Beckett woke us up like clockwork at 7am, I fed her a bottle and then hopped into the shower. I’m lathering up, happily singing away to myself until I look down and see, to my complete shock, that my legs are completely covered in the red welts. MAJOR welts. Whole sections of my legs are swollen with giant patches of red while other areas just have big red spots. Then I look at my torso – yup, welts. Arms, check. Butt, check. Houston, I think we have a problem.

So off I go to the International clinic about an hour’s cab ride away due to the storm. Meanwhile, my ears are swelling, I’m starting to itch and hoping that my throat doesn’t swell shut. Russ and B stayed at home. I was afraid I was catchy! $150 later, I was told that it the hives might just be another lovely side effect of the fabulous virus swimming around in my system – that, or I’m allergic to Immodium. Hmmm. Thanks. But at least I knew my throat wasn’t going to swell shut. Several antihistamines and probiotics later I was back on m way to the hotel and feeling slightly more positive about things.

I got home to find Russ and Miss B playing happily. He officially passed his first solo Daddy test with flying colors. So I’m alive. In fair shape and literally counting the hours until we come home. Check out the pix of the hives. That’s the only part I can show you but it gives you an idea. And here’s some of the Great Wall – what you can see of it anyway.

Next post will be devoted to more scoop on the fabulous Beckett Mei-Li and all of her quirks…

Just When You Think It’s All Settling Down… November 11, 2009

As I write this, I’m sipping on my first glass of wine for a week. Not because I haven’t wanted wine for a week, just because firstly I would have barfed it up, and then there was no decent wine to be found. But our intrepid friend Norma (who is the traveling buddy to Catherine – single mom and Russ’s friend from work (weird) who is also here adopting her daughter Hannah) found me a bottle of Australian Chardonnay in the midst of a Chinese supermarket. She is a good woman. But I digress. Here’s the story(s) du jour…

So aside from the interlude on what we know about Beckett, when last we met, fair reader, I was recovering from a nasty bout of tummy yuck, Beckett was recovering from some sort of weird rash and Russ was just, well, Russ. Up to this point, his greatest challenge had seemingly been the sinking in of the baby reality. “She’s such a…a BABY” he kept repeating. “I mean, its not like I didn’t think she’d be a baby, but she’s SUCH a baby.” I think he may have been in shock. But other than that, he was largely unscathed.

Yeah. Until Friday afternoon, almost 24 hours to the minute after my stomach had begun to rumble, we were out at Martyr Park, enjoying the sites and sounds and he very quietly asked “Ummm, how exactly did your stomach thing start” and then he burped. “With a burp” I replied, trying to remain calm. Russ may be the Zen Buddha and all, but he doesn’t have the constitution to match. “Hmmm’ he replied. “I think I might….”. Those were pretty much the last intelligible words I heard out of him. (And we were due to fly out of Changsha to Beijing the next morning).

We rushed Russ back to the hotel and I took Beckett and headed for the hills for the afternoon, terrified that she too would befall the barf bug. We hung out down the hall in Norma and Catherine’s room where Beckett proved that every day she was literally blossoming. The once implacable kid was now laughing up a storm and playing dumb games with me. She also was going from floppy to almost sturdy and was killing herself laughing as she pulled herself into a sitting position and then let herself fall back onto the pillow with a solid ‘plop’.

When I returned, Russ was huddled under the covers in a major state. “How may barfs did you do?” he asked. “Five good ones” I replied. “Two to go” he moaned. And so he barfed, and slept, while I packed up the room and organized us for travel the following day. By 8am, he was barely out of the woods and feeling like he’d been hit by a garbage truck. I was trying to keep it all together, Beckett under one arm, shelpping suitcases with the other, and Russ trailing behind half stoned on Gravol.

Somehow, the travel gods were smiling down upon us and the usually treacherous Air China was running smoothly that day. We got on the plane, Russ collapsed into his seat and tried to sleep and I played with the Beckster who seemed totally unperturbed by the whole flying in a giant tin can thing. (This hopefully bodes well for the 16 hour flight home but you never know). She had a few melt down moments but I dealt pretty well, all things considered. But by the time we were on the bus from the Beiing airport to the hotel (about 1.5 hours in traffic), I could feel my last nerve being stretched to breaking. (Let’s face it, I’m amazed that I hadn’t had my own melt down by this point. I was exhausted, barely recovered from my own bug and now taking care of not one, but two babies. Oy.)

When we finally got into our room, Beckett was tucked into one bed and Russ in the other, I finally let myself cry…just a little. And then I unpacked, washed bottles and collapsed into bed. It was 8:30pm.  And we had to get up the next morning for our trip to the Great Wall of China. But that’s for another post…

My revelations from the above experience are that a) I’m SO glad I’m not a single parent anymore. It’s way too hard b) I miss Russ when he’s not with me – even in spirit c) my kid’s pretty easy to deal with and d) I am SO all over it when I am needed. I like that about myself. It makes me feel like a pioneer. And I like that I can take care of my family. It makes me happy.

Here’s some pix of us our playing at Martyr Park (such a quaint name for the People’s park – no?) and of the subsequent travel experience. 

More soon!

PS: Fear not – Russ has since recovered and ate his first solid meal today.

More pics… November 10, 2009

Things We Already Know About Miss B November 8, 2009

1. Her head is flat. No, we mean REALLY flat. Like she’s been in a panini grill flat. Like Flat Kevin flat. She will never have short hair…
2. When she’s tired, she looks like she’s saying no with gusto. And then she holds her head like she’s saying ‘oy vey’.
3. Never – and I mean NEVER take her bottle away from her while she’s eating. Even if she’s fallen asleep with the bottle in her mouth. Even if she’s full and not eating. Even if she’s finished. Taking the bottle away is a delicate affair.
4. She’s a tough room to work. Beckett does not smile easily. In fact, she didn’t smile at all for the first 2 days. We thought she might be broken. Then we realized she just didn’t think we were funny. Apparently we’re funnier today.
5. She loves having her picture taken. Camera out and she immediately starts to work it. Perhaps she is a teeny tiny supermodel in the making.
6. She prefers Russ’s singing to mine. Clearly she has no taste.
7. She is passionate about eating (that’s my girl). So much so that fingers must accompany all food stuff into her mouth. She kinda pushes it in and then revels in the sensation. There have even been moments of eyes rolling back into her head with ecstasy. Methinks this kid hasn’t eaten suck good stuff to date. Wait until she gets a load of chopped liver!
8. She finds it extremely amusing to pee or poop the moment you remove the diaper for changing. Ha ha. Very freakin’ funny.
9. She talks to herself when you carry her in the Baby Bjorn. We think she might be crazy. Ah well. She’ll fit right in.
10. We already love her. A lot. Funny how that can happen in – oh – 3 seconds…

File Under…SHIT! November 6, 2009

So the day was all going so well yesterday. For about 5 minutes.

Beckett woke up worse than crabby and upon inspection, it was discovered that not only did she have a low grade fever, she was also covered in red blotches. Hmmm. While trying not to panic, I ran through my mental mommy files. Allergies? Hmm – maybe. We had introduced a new cereal. Measles. Please God no. But the blotches weren’t raised or anything. Teething? Definitely, except it doesn’t give you fever or blotches.

So off we went to see the hotel doctor who, I swear, was about 12 years old, her name tag read “Ring” (I think her name was “Ling” and someone translated it phonetically) and she stood about 4’8”. Oh – and she was wearing those fake eyelid things that come Asian’s wear to try and mask the fact that they have minimal eyelids. Who do they think they’re kidding? They just look like their wearing these dumb little strips of band aid lookin’ stuff on their faces. Odd. We were not filled with confidence.

She politely asked a few questions and our guide Louise translated. The result? Yes, maybe it could be a cold, a fever, a reaction. Thank you and goodbye. Okie doke. So we decided to keep her on Chinese formula for the time being and washed any of her clothes that hadn’t been washed yet to ensure she wasn’t reacting to the something on the fabric.

Crisis one relatively averted. She improved steadily over the day aside from pooping green cottage cheese. (I know, I know – TMI. And I’m only getting started). She was well enough that at 4, I went downstairs to have a foot massage which, I have to say, was quite fabulous and way more than I bargained for. Every bone, tendon and pressure point was duly rubbed and poked and then he went to town on my arms, legs and back. It was 80 minutes long. I drooled on the pillow. Yum.

When I went back to our room, I realized I was feeling a bit queasy. Wrote it off to being hungry as I hadn’t eaten since breakfast and not much then either. Played with Miss B, fed her and we prepped her for bed. I was getting more nauseous by the second and my intestines were starting to rumble in protest over something.  “Keep it to together” I chanted to myself. “Wait until she’s asleep”. Russ, the baby serenader, did his thing and Beckett went out cold.

I raced to the bathroom and the fireworks began. For the next – oh – EIGHT HOURS, I puked, pooped, puked and then pooped some more, usually at the same time. (See how I did that? Made you think the ‘green cottage cheese’ comment was TMI and then I hit ya with this?) I cried the first few times, freaking out that I’d be incapacitated for the next day and wouldn’t be able to take care of the little monkey. I think Russ, despite his eternal calm, was a tad worried too. But by the 4^th barf and KNOWING that it couldn’t be food poisoning because the timing was all wrong and sure it wasn’t a flu cuz I wasn’t hot or shaking or anything, I realized I had been stricken, perhaps for the first time in my life, with a nasty bout of the oft reported yet oddly generic ‘traveler’s tummy’ and that it had to be over soon. OK, I admit it. I did call on a higher power during the 5^th barf but I’m only human. And sure enough, despite it feeling like it would NEVER end, it finally did around 5am. Just in time for Beckett to wake up. 

And so today began. When I say that Beckett and I both took a solid nap this afternoon, it’s even more true of me than her.

But I must have lost at least a pound or two. That’s never a bad thing.

Oh – the pic? It’s me, just post-trauma. I’m lookin’ pretty damn good for someone who just the night on the bathroom floor no? Woo hoo. Ride em cowboy. Only 8 more days to go. (Have I mentioned I’m ready to come home now).

It’s Official (or Should We Say Officious) November 5, 2009

Well – she’s ours. Signed, sealed and paid for. We all piled on the bus yesterday afternoon and sped towards the Civil Affairs office again. But this time, we all looked like we’d gained 20 lbs due to the fat wads of Yuan all of has hidden in money belts. Technically, you don’t BUY these babies, you just make a donation to the orphanage – in cash, and lots of it. And when we changed traveller’s cheques, the biggest bill they offered was a 100 Yuan note – which is about $15. The donation is thousands of dollars. The money piles were impressive…

Anyhoo, one by one, we were taken into a room to be thumb and footprinted (us thumb, her foot), another room where we paid over our money (which was neatly counted by machine and added to a huge pile of dough), then to another one to pay for baby visa (no discount for size of baby), then back to another room where a notary had a sign forms promising we would never abandon or hurt the baby. Seemed a little late in the process to be promising that but whatever – it seemed to make the officials feel better.

Then, we were taken into a room for a family portrait. Smile, flash, NEXT! And that was that. Congrats and mazel tov – she’s ours. It was easier (and faster) than doing a refund at WalMart.

We brought her back to the hotel and hung out for a while. I kept looking at her, and she at me, and I just couldn’t (and still can’t) believe they’ve just given me this little person. Forever! I know its not new news to me or anything. I mean – I’ve already got one of these at home, but its just weird – no? Of course, not a weird as the looks we got when we walked the street with her in the Baby Bjorn. You can almost see the wheels turning as we get these inscrutable but bemused glances from the locals – “what are those crazy people doing. They’re carrying their baby in a BAG. What’s up with THAT?” 

And then other stuff happened…challenging stuff. But that’s for the next post.

The Eagle Has Landed November 3, 2009

Beckett Mei-Li is officially ours.

Of course now that the event has occurred, I have no idea how to put it into words. Ahh the irony. I’m also so exhausted and my muscles are so burned out that I can barely type so I’ll keep this one short and let the pictures do the talking.

At 3pm, we were led into the Adoption Centre at Changsha where the nannies sat, holding the babies. We immediately spotted Beckett, sitting very calmly in her nanny’s arms, just takin’ in the scenery. We weren’t allowed to approach so we took advantage of the zoom lens and snapped a few pix. I took the opportunity to have an ugly cry with no one looking (or snapping). Russ and I wiped away tears and then waited as one by one, they called the babies names out and eager parents grabbed them out of officials’ arms. Russ was on photo duty so I got her first. I held her teeny tiny body (all – maybe 14 lbs of her. Man – do they ever LIE on the paperwork. She’s TINY!) She was implacable – watching me with her giant eyes and firmly set mouth. And boy did she watch ever move we made. We sat down amid the screams of fury and terror being emitted by many of the other babies (a lot of them were older – say 18 months which is WAY more traumatic for them) and I gave her her first bottle which she took to really well – watching me with those big eyes. “Wow” I thought, she sure is mellow…” No sooner was the thought out of my brain than her funny little lower lip began to tremble and she let out a rip roarin’ shriek. Russ watched calmly with a proud paternal smile but his eyes started getting a little crease of concern around the edges. She was in good company though and the chorus of shrieking, if you hadn’t known what was going on, would probably sound to most like an infant evisceration convention.

Within an hour, we piled back onto the bus where Beckett promptly fell asleep in my arms. We got her back to the hotel room without waking her up and lay her down, jacket and all. Russ took point and watched her sleep. I think at that point, it was about the only role he felt super competent to handle.

She awoke with a whimper about an hour later, cried for two seconds and then settled into the Beckett that we’re starting to know and love. We sang to her and she sang back.  We admired her creepily flat head (we’ve already Googled “do flat head babies grow up stupid?” Apparently we’re good but she’ll always have to have long hair…). We listened as she occasionally chattered and we played spoons with her. She is really a little baby. She can pretty much sit up but needs propping. She has two tiny teeth on the bottom and she’s teething like a mutha. Poor thing – she’s drooling like a fountain and when I gave her a plastic spoon t play with she jammed it into her motuh and started chewing. I swear her eyes rolled back in pure ecstasy. She doesn’t cry much and is already bonding big time with both of us in her own way. As long as we hold her, she’s good to go. Russ fed her and sang to her and did pretty stinkin’ well for a guy in love shock. And the two of them fell asleep together around 9pm. This time I got to watch.

If there is a place, a state of mind, a plateau that is heaven, I expect it’s just like this. I feel calm, peaceful and very, very complete.